Our European Adventure: Sharpen your elbows and welcome to queue land!

Meaux to Lagny-sur-Marne

27km

3 locks

1 tunnel

5 hours

We set off from Meaux with the intention of getting to Lagny-sur-Marne and from there visiting Disneyland which we had been told was a short bus journey away. Lagny was a very pleasant small town and we spent the afternoon wandering around the shops.

Our moorings in Lagny-sur-Marne

Eek! Swan gives birth to pigeon

The next day we set off at 8.30am from Lagny bus station to Disneyland at Chessy, a journey taking 20 minutes and only costing us €2 each.

Luckily, we didn't have a long wait on these uncomfy benches

By 9.05am we had our tickets. €79 each for the two parks, although it was one park really, split in two. Unless you were a resident of the on site Disney hotel, you had to queue in the foyer until 9.30am before entering. This wouldn’t have been too bad if the chap in front could have controlled his bowl movements. Every time he dropped one, he would waft his rucksack side to side to disperse it. Not nice.

9.30am arrived and could not have come sooner. Like a couple of choking soldiers emerging from a chemically attacked bunker, we embraced the fresh air.

We were greeted by creepy laughter bouncing from buildings on either side, this we soon found irritating. Each of the individual areas within the parks were roped off until 10am and the only things accessible were the shops. These rules didn’t apply to the residents of the Disney hotel who were smugly wandering around enjoying themselves.

At this point, the atmosphere was somber, and the staff looked as excited as anyone starting a day’s work. When 10am struck and the ropes were lifted, it was like a stampede to get to the rides first. There were so many people running in front of us it felt like we were walking backwards.

The staff building up a head of excitement for the waiting crowds

By the time we got to our first ride, Big Thunder Mountain, there were probably around 100 plus people stood queuing before us. Back at the ropes, we were third in line. Surprisingly, we were enjoying the ride in what seemed like minutes, whizzing around the tracks at high speed.

Luckily, I’d spoken to a member of staff on entering, who gave us a top tip. Get all the big rides out of the way before 12.30pm and the one hour plus queues will be avoided.

We dashed from ride to ride like a couple of excited children. We were thrust to G-force speeds on the Rock and Roller Coaster and spun, dropped and looped on Crush’s Coaster, Space Mountain and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Peril to name but a few.

Our favorite was the spinning turtle as going backwards up and down a roller coaster was surreal. This was the only ride we really queued to go on. 50 minutes to be exact, the 12.30pm dead line had passed.

We managed to go on every ride we set out to go on, which was great and we even managed to watch a stunt car show. Although we wished we hadn’t as most of the time was spent with the presenter explaining how the last stunt was performed (boring).

We were trapped in a sea of onlookers for 45 minutes. With the gates closed and manned either end, we felt there was no escaping at this point. We had managed to get fast track tickets earlier for the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and were anxious not to miss our slot. As the show dragged on we were on the edge of our seats watching the clock. Eventually, it was over and with ten minutes to run over to the ride we girded our loins and sharpened our elbows only for the stewards to start letting people leave in sequence starting with the furthest point from us.

On leaving the arena, we broke out into a jog only to be thwarted by big bums and pushchairs shuffling slowly forward. Fortunately, with only moments to go we made it.

Tracy, the only one truly terrified on the Tower of Terror

At lunchtime, I was disappointed that Tracy had rejected the notion of taking in our own food, as meals were expensive and looked nothing like the substantial meals advertised in the photographs. Around €25 got us a vegetable salad, that Tracy actually found quite nice, and a cold limp burger I had to exchange for one that was marginally warmer, small fries, one fruit salad, a coke and a cup of tea.

By mid-afternoon we were ravenous again and this time we plumped for one ‘giant’ hot dog with cheese and crispy onions and a brownie to share with a cup of tea served sans tea bag.

The afternoon flew and by 6.30pm rides were beginning to close. There was only one ride left that I hadn’t been on, the RC Racer. When we got there, it was a 25 minute wait, or a 10 minute wait for singles. As Tracy wasn’t bothered, I went for the 10 minute option.

Now earlier in the day, we noticed a sign on a couple of rides that said, certain body shapes and sizes may not be allowed on the ride. This had us in stitches as Tracy had said what are you going to do, if the Disney police arrive with a loud hailer shouting, “hey you deep dish, step away from the ride”.

Fortunately, I fit quite snugly in all but this one. As well as the usual overhead bar, the RC Racer also had a strap that went between your legs. The strap was half an inch off clipping in, even though I was pulling with all my might.

“Do you need help there”, the ride operator shouted across to me causing the eyes of everyone on the ride and the hordes in the queue to descend upon me.

With this being Disney I worried that she was about to call upon the Bagpuss mice (“we can fix it, we can fix it – heave, heave” all sung in the squeaky voices).

Fortunately, that didn’t happen. “I will push as hard as I can while you pull”, she said (oh the embarrassment). With super-human effort the seat strap clipped into place and I avoided the walk of shame off the ride. My relief was momentary as I then realised I was unable to breathe out. Luckily, the ride only lasted two minutes so a couple of anxious pants and one long held breath did me.

The following photographs come under the heading of us making a tit of ourselves at Disney